Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
