Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
