His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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