Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
