remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
