Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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