last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize