it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
