I'm going to jail i love you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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