You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
