I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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