We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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