Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
