I wish I could punch you in the face.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
