I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
