she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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