So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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