saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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