I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
