I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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