There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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