So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize