you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
