Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
