literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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