We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
