I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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