Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
