trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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