I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
