haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize