Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
