Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
