I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
