I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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