I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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