Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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