I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
