I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
