Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
