i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
is that a dick in a sweater?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
