It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just crazy horny about you
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
