she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize