Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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