saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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