im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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