will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
