going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
