home. puking in laundry basket.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
