do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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