it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
