hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
then he tried to convert me to islam
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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