I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
