i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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