Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
