I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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