Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
