yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
