he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
God, I missed his penis.
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