I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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