it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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