We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
