I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
