I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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