It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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