Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
