did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i will never coherently bang her
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
