Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
