17 year olds will be the death of me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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