So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
