3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
