she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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