i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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