Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
