Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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