dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
