she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
