I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize