your parents love me but you hate me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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