hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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