We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
