There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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