Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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