I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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