guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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