So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
