He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
