are you still at the devil's house?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
