I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
