Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
