Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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