Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
