Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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