i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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