Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
